Dark Night of the Soul

The dark night of the soul signifies a painful period of deprivation which appears to be a seemingly deep and endless Abyss. We cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Nothing makes sense anymore. The joy in our life has disappeared and there is no interest in doing the things that we used to do.  It feels like we have hit the bottom and there is no way out. It feels like you are dying.

Through the process of socialization, we tend to lose certain qualities of ourselves if not the totality of our unique essence. As a result, we start becoming less of what we are and start becoming more of what other people in our social group want us to be for the sake of survival.

Let’s say that Maria when she was young had an affinity for art, especially painting. And let’s say that she was raised in a family that valued practicality and logic. The adults in her environment ignored her artistic passion by not giving the attention that she needed, giving the message that other things are more important. Sometimes, they even react by pushing her art away or discouraging her.

The pain she experiences is enough to discourage her and to want to avoid these behaviors from her parents in the future. So, what does she do to avoid it in the future? To fit into her family and society, she has to adapt. She adopts her parent’s values, in this example practicality and logic, and reshapes herself into someone more easily accepted.

Later on in life, she structures her life choices around the values of the family. This adaptation keeps her safe. It keeps her close to her family. It is a survival tool.

In other words, what we do is that we separate ourselves from those unacceptable parts yet they still live within us waiting for us to hold and re-own them. Those unacceptable parts are closer to our essence and who we truly are.

And this is usually what leads to the dark night of the soul. It is our separation from our true selves. It is us running away from our true selves to such a degree that we hit a dead end.

The alcohol does not work anymore. The drugs don’t take the pain away. Friends seem more attached to materialistic and superficial things that no longer interest us. It is like a waking-up call. Are you gonna resist who you are? Are you gonna deny the unacceptable parts within you?

The dark night of the soul is usually triggered by events, situations, and people that hold a charge to the degree we cannot avoid ourselves anymore. It is as if those events activate the mirror and we come face to face with what we have been avoiding.

Our suppressed and unhealed aspects are screaming for help. Things held stagnant within us are shaken loose. All the suppressed emotions, traumas, beliefs, and programs float to the surface. These periods can bring long-lasting waves of depression, confusion, anxiety, fear, pain, emptiness, feeling of being completely lost, thoughts of suicide. Being floated with many intense emotions and thoughts can overwhelm us. Often that period of extended darkness and existential angst can literally bring us to our knees.

The truth is that we cannot force the way out of the dark night of the soul. It is a process and it is not a comfortable one.

And even if starting embracing our suppressed and unhealed aspects within us is the way out. The ego is trying to protect us by finding a huge consequence by doing so.

In the example above, Maria's ego may try to convince her that she will lose the people in her life, she will never get the support she needs, and her artistic expression will be ignored or judged. She is about to dive into the unknown and potentially be all alone. That was her experience after all as a child. Or it may find a negative consequence for her to believe that charged/negative emotions are the enemy and she should deny them. It is like No NO don’t feel them, you will get worse.

But the ego is losing control of the steering wheel. The layers of the ego are being killed off one by one.

The sad reality is that our society doesn’t support this kind of period in our lives. To heal and explore ourselves can be a tough decision when we have learned to go on and bulldoze our grief even if we lost a loved one. It can be difficult when we have learned to go on even if we feel confused, lost, and empty and we need time to find ourselves. We are expected to get things done even in times when we are going through a healing crisis. THAT'S CRUELTY!

What it would be the most natural thing to do is to give space to ourselves. Learning to sit with, understand, and be present with our unhealed parts within us is one of the greatest ways to love ourselves. And all starts with our emotions. We finally stop resisting our painful feelings and let them wash over us. Learning to seek guidance and asking for support can also help us in these times.

And even though the decision to heal ourselves can alter every aspect of our lives such as intimate relationships, our careers, where we live, what we eat, and how we perceive the world which can make us feel immense fear and pain.

In reality, this path can lead us to become more whole, powerful, and capable of joy than before.

Read "Embrace your Suppressed parts as a way to experience the magnificence of who you are" by clicking here.

The dark night of the soul will take away everything that does not serve us anymore. Once we let ourselves die by giving up everything, we will rise from the ashes with wings we never knew we had. We will rise with an awareness that all that we lose is what was built for the person that we are not.

The dark night of the soul is a deep and transformative journey where we face intense inner pain and confusion, and question everything about our life. In "The Antidote to Addiction" you can find concrete steps to address uncomfortable emotions. It is so intense that we believe that the universe/god or whatever you want to call it is against us and there is no way to win.

We believe that is punishing us and there is no end to this torture. But I want you to ask yourself: 

Assuming the universe loves me and wants the best for me, why is the 'dark night of the soul' happening for me?

Other topics that might interest you:

New Cycle of Life

Embrace your Suppressed Parts

Mermaid Codes

Healing from not Being Seen

Creating a safe Environment for Healing