Sacred Union

Every little thing I was doing lately was filled with so much light, joy, aliveness and purpose. Everything was more balanced.

Today, when we hung up the call, I walked around the house and felt the absence of all the above.

The veil of darkness covered my house. I sat on the floor like I used to do as a teenager in moments of despair as if the floor was able to hold me and the pain.

Negative thoughts arise.

I am cursed. I will never get to experience that epic love I always wanted.

Does this separation force me to feel the depths of love through grief?

The pain is unbearable. And as I sat there feeling into everything that arises , I see a fracture of myself moving and creating incessantly.

Observing her I realized how much I hate her.

She ignores me.

She does not understand the pain of separation I am feeling, I need connection!

She resists me. But today she does not have a choice but to see me.

And she finally does notice me, she becomes aware of me.

As time passes she starts to feel the same pain as I feel. She says: if I connect with you I will create poems, I will make love to you and I will access the Universe.

What I am looking outside is finally within. This is sacred union! We started blending with each other...

Losing you forces me to find this union within.

There are so many men who scatter their energy.

They are chasing the next high and thrill.

They get distracted in so many ways but not YOU.

You penetrated my deep heart with focused and sort of calm intensity and you gained access to my cosmic garden where you received the love and nourishment you always wanted.

The fullness of your presence, the potency of your sexuality, the deep truth of your words, the unimaginable interest in knowing me made me YOURS. You opened me up in ways that I could not do alone.